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OMG I'M BACK? [Apr. 12th, 2009|09:33 pm]
[Current Mood | depressed]
[Current Music |history- funeral for a friend]


Haha. i'm back from not bloggin after so friggin ass long.
i realised i needed a medium to let myself destress.
and this is just the place to do so,
besides not many ppl would care to read it.
so basically that's sort of the point.
I blog, not much ppl read just myself.
haha.
it's all for me. so it's more personal i guess.
oh well.
LIFE'S BEEN TOUGH.
it's hard, but i have to pick myself up.
get up on my feet.
I've been super depressed and strained lately by things happening around me.
I hate what i've been doing with my life.
I need to change.
Need help.
and right now, i miss M like crazy.
I really need his comfort, it's all that soothes me now.
My life's really incomplete without him.
He's so important to me right now.
If i lose him, i'm losing everything i've ever wanted and more.


Michael

Baby, i'm trying to be a good girl.
Trying to be less cranky.
I wanna thank you for being ever so patient with me these few days.
You've done nothing but showered endless love, comfort and support
no matter how much i threw fits and shouted and yelled at you to leave me alone.
Thank you for everything you've done, you mean the world to me and I do appreciate
these things you do for me.
I love you very much baby.
You really are the best and i'm sure you know it by heart.

ily,
xoxo
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(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2009|08:12 pm]
[Current Mood | drained]
[Current Music |ponytail parades- emery]

Gosh life is looking up day by day.
missed baby a hell lot today,
studied my butt off a hell lot too.
i'm so darn tired from all this cramming.
i need to rest.
hahaha.
I need to go out with my friends more.
i really should.
Yeah...
before they think i'm a bastard and what not.
I don't wanna lose all my friends for god's sake.
dammit.

okay. tired. wasted. useless. helpless. sleepy. goodbye.


and they say you can tell how she's happy, by the way her face glows.
LinkLeave a comment

vallytines [Feb. 16th, 2009|08:26 pm]
[Current Mood | cheerful]
[Current Music |As Your Voice Fades- Emery]

Valentine's day was awesome.
Best one yet.
Why?
Cause I spent it with my darling.
Gosh.
I love my baby,
I've never been more proud of anyone else in my life.

well
this is gonna be short and sweet,
so long.
LinkLeave a comment

Someday this will pass, and my pains will slip away. [Feb. 12th, 2009|10:20 pm]
[Current Mood | content]
[Current Music |baby's sweet sweet voice on the line]


I'm trying.
to be happy.

to feel your love once again.
to trust you once again.

It's hard, tiring and upsetting.

where do we go from here?
tell me are you listening?



someday you will see, the emptiness that resides beneath me.
someday you will know, nobody else can take your place.
but now you will understand, my love for you can conquer all my fears.


Baby, for you I will be strong.
For you I will learn to forgive and have more faith in what we have.
I love you.
I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused you.
I want to heal all our wounds.
We'll make this something, something beautiful.
Somewhere only we know.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Feb. 11th, 2009|07:05 pm]
[Current Mood | aggravated]
[Current Music |the great decay- the great spy experiment]

Valentine's day is coming and i'm such a mess.

I was pouring my tears out and pulling my hair for the longest time.
last night was a mess.
I broke down in ways unimaginable.
I just couldn't talk to you anymore, didn't dare to hear your voice
to listen to what you had to say to me.
I believe your words too much, every single word you say.
so it makes it harder for me when you contradict yourself and go back
on your words.
Baby, i'm so scared of losing you.
I need you more than anyone, more than anything.
I want to be the one to love you, no one else should love you like I love you.
Knowing that someone else loves you,
makes me feel like I can be replaced just about any time.
It's getting harder everyday to know of her existence.
Even the fact that she's alive makes me feel so threatened.
If this were a mad sadistic gore film
and I had to choose a role,
I'd probably be the one that gets to murder the lead actress in the most
creative and unimaginable ways possible, torture her and punish her
for the evil deeds she has done.
Purge her for every bloody sin she has duly committed.
Watch her body feel excruciating pain from the inside and out.
If I were the director her life story would have gone no where good.

Say I'm sadistic, say I'm a bitch.
But this is how I feel towards her.
I'm sorry I feel this way.
At least I don't act on it nor dwell on it.
So this is the part where I end any problems she's ever caused me.
You can say she's the good girl, i'm the bad one.
Well, she is the good one.
Because she's so innocent, so pure, so beautiful and loving.
I'm merely a sick and emotional mess.

Goodbye all problems.
Wash those memories.


I love you Michael, she'll never love you the same way I love you.
If you know what's good for you, please stay.



LinkLeave a comment

we are not the same [Jan. 30th, 2009|12:04 pm]
[Current Mood | nervous]
[Current Music |water wings- alexisonfire]

if you think you're the only one who has to live behind a facade, you are so wrong.

I'm not like other girls. i don't want to portray myself as innocent, a hurt puppy and a goody two shoes.
so what if i'm hurt, you can feel my hurt in your own time.
so what if i'm innocent, you'll see it for yourself when there's an opportunity for it to be revealed.
I hate not being strong enough in front of you.
You make me weak, make me vulnerable.
Your voice is like a gentle alluring trap that I happen to always fall deeply into.
But it does no harm to me, I like what you can do to me.
No one else can make me feel this way.

You make my feelings reveal itself and fall into place before your eyes.
I can hide nothing from you.
You're starting to read me faster and faster.
I'm like a book with my pages all opened up and
all you need to do is flip through it quickly and you'll be done with me.
Once you're finished with this chapter, you'll start on another.
But what if this book comes to an end, what if the ending's empty.
what would you do then?



I love you, softly, sweetly, tenderly, gracefully, unknowingly.
LinkLeave a comment

hope [Jan. 28th, 2009|06:50 pm]
[Current Mood | contemplative]
[Current Music |Maybe I'm Just Tired- As Tall As Lions]


the world should be a little brigher.
the stars shine for us, they shine the brightest when we're in the darkness.
they shine too for us in our brightest days.
they may not be visible to us in the daytime, but they exist.
They are always there.
The brightest stars are the stars you notice when it's bright in your life...



Is our existence here on earth a question or an answer?


Shouldn't we make our existence here more worthwhile.
smile everyday.
laugh everyday.
talk everyday.
live everyday.
enjoy every single day.
our time here is limited.
so we might as well make the best of it.
live life to the fullest.


Life is what you make it.
If you expect life to be filled with sadness, you brought about your sadness.
If you expect life to be filled with pain and torment, you caused your own hurts.


I want my life to be happy, filled with joy, ecstacy and love.
I've got exactly what I wanted.
A pretty boy, who loves me with all his heart and soul and offers me nothing but the best and only the best.
A loving family, that loves me and stays by my side through the toughest of times and embraces the joys and laughters in our lives together.
Amazing friends, who care about my existence and have stood by me through thick and thin, the highs and lows.



Life is what I make of it.
Life is glorious when you embrace it for what it is.
Life is a whole bed of roses getting ready to spring up in your face once you untie the ribbons to the nice shiny package.


Love life.
Live love.



don't take what you have for granted, sometimes the best things in life may not be what you expected it to be.
LinkLeave a comment

mikey baby [Jan. 26th, 2009|11:20 am]
[Current Mood | lonely]
[Current Music |Connecting the Dots- A Vacant Affair]


i miss you
i love you
i want you
i need you.


please don't ever leave.

there's so many things i want to say to you, but words just fail to describe them.
i don't know how to let you in, cause it's hard to let my feeling be known to anyone.
if only you could just know, if only you could feel how i'm feeling then it'd be easier.
i wish i didn't have to speak my feelings aloud.
i wish you could listen to them without me having to utter a single word.
but i know this is too much to ask for.


maybe one day, just one day.
you'll read me like a book.




I could never love anyone else the same way i'm loving you.
Every little thing that you do, baby i'm amazed by you.
LinkLeave a comment

all i want is for you to stay. [Jan. 24th, 2009|10:18 am]
[Current Mood | disappointed]
[Current Music |Mirrors- A Vacant Affair]

please stay with me.
I've never been more afraid to lose anyone in my life.



So what if i cry everynight without you.
it's not helping me anymore.
these tears are never ending,
these eyes are always filled with fear when i look towards you.
I've never been more afraid in my life.
I can't lose you, I can't be without you.

As I sleep at night, cold and wanting you beside me...
I prepare myself, in case you go away.


i can't pretend.
can't hide these feelings inside of me.
but i'm afraid to tell you, afraid to let you in.
I don't want to see you upset, or disappointed.
no matter what, i can never be good enough.

Never pretty enough for you
Never nice enough to you
Never smart enough for you
Never perfect enough for you


Why do I try to be someone I just can't be.
I'm tired of trying, i'm going nowhere.

My somewhere is within your walls, confine me.
Make me breathe.
Cause I can't feel myself.
I'm starting to forget who i was, who i am, who i was becoming.



My only identity that I'll always remember is,
I'm your girl, I'm Michael's baby, Michael's girl, Michael's everything.
and i just don't know what you see in me.




LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2009|07:54 pm]
[Current Mood | calm]
[Current Music |cheers to love- Caracal]

  
don't we all, wanna praise our existence.
 


fight for what you believe in.


LIFE WILL SOON GET BETTER.

i need time.
time to heal, time to feel.
I want to be the one to feel your pains.
I want to let you in.
I want to be your everything.
I'm not afraid to give in to what I want now.
Cause now, it's different.
Now, I have you.



bring on the war machines, they won't break me down this time.



My thoughts you can't decode. How did we get here? I used to know you so well. How did we get here? I think I know.

LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2009|11:01 am]
[Current Mood | blank]
[Current Music |the gavel and the block- Trella]

Don't we all have our frustrations.


had cramps today.
went home early on my own...
damn sad.
whatever, school's a drag.
at least i had my attendance taken for the morning...
so yeah.
i can't afford to miss anymore lessons.
i feel fucked up.
whatever.
i hope i'll get to see baby later though.
i honestly miss him like crazy.
i've never missed someone so much after seeing
them the day before.
baby's so important in my life.
he's the one i fear of losing everyday...


Don't we all wanna praise our existence.


Is it too late to seal this battle of jealousy, that we have against each other?


LinkLeave a comment

periodically imperfect [Jan. 19th, 2009|02:50 pm]
[Current Mood | bored]
[Current Music |the sound of baby's fish tank]

PERIOD IS OVER!
in approximately 10 hours 8 minutes 33 seconds.


Haha, bullshit.

not about my period ending, just the time it ends.
haha.
yes i'm joyful and i shall proclaim my joy to the world.
okay.
i'm bored.
baby's bathing.
i'm using the com.
bored, as you can see.
i can't wait til he gets his arse out
so i can finally bathe.
he's taking like forever i swear.
water has no limits when it comes to michael ambrose.
he's such a water waster.
haha.
even me, a girl who needs to be fresher and cleaner than guys.
bathes faster then him.
hahaha
baby, you're so different from other guys.
cause you have female hormones.
hahaha

sometimes i wonder. what if mikey grew tits? would i still love him?
hahaha, apparently i would. but i'd pinch his tits everyday,
praying and wishing that ultimately they will disappear (:



I LOVE MY BABY CAUSE HE'S THE MOST AWESOMEST BOY IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD AND HE LICKS MY PITS :D


we live by faith and not by sight.

Link1 comment|Leave a comment

trella fella [Jan. 18th, 2009|07:43 pm]
[Current Mood | amused]
[Current Music |bada bing wit a pipe- four year strong]


haha...
first gig last night thanks to baby.
hahaha.
i had fun baby,
it was awesome...

the set was good :D
yay. happinesssss.
leon the rockstar is at my place now.
hahaha.
had family "reunion" dinner.
steamboat...
was fun.
YUMMMM.
oh and i miss baby.
i did see him but still miss him...
hahahaha.
i'm always happy.
wanna know why?
cause baby completes me.



DEFINE THE TRUTH, THE TRUTH.

LinkLeave a comment

is there any place to go to begin with? [Jan. 16th, 2009|11:31 pm]
[Current Mood | sleepy]
[Current Music |chelsea smile- bring me the horizon]


JEALOUS MUCH? HAH! TOO BAD, GET YOUR OWN.

hahaha.
what the fuck is wrong with me?
maybe people are jealous when they see baby and i together.
but you know what, i don't care.
Baby and I look awesome together.
It's only natural if people get jealous seeing good looking people together.
hahaha.
omgggg,
my skin's getting thicker by the second.
funny much.
anw, today was fun.
i shan't elaborate.
It was a long day...
and i'm tired and pms-ing.
Hello first day of period, do me a favour.


piss off as soon as possible. please and thank you.


yours sincerely,
Pereira-Holmberg Andrea Alexandria Jana



LinkLeave a comment

astrology [Jan. 15th, 2009|11:43 pm]
[Current Mood | loved]
[Current Music |feel like fame- four letter lie]

and so, she fell into a deep slumber.


BABY, SORRY FOR FALLING ASLEEP.
okay so i went to baby's place,
then he fetched me back home.
then i was tired.
so i took a nap.
the alarm rang at 8pm, but nooo
i went to turn it off and nicely headed back to sleep.
i'm sorry baby.
i didn't mean to.
i was just dead tired.
but now, i'm wide awake
and you're probably sleeping like the baby you are...
haha.
thinking of you asleep makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
hahahaha.
i can imagine you're adorable pixie-adolescent-like face.
damn cute i swear.
i can't seem to resist your charm baby...
you always seem to find ways to make me fall in love with you,
over and over again...


you're so goddammed hard to resist.


so, now that i'm awake.
i thought about finding stuff to do.
So, i went yahoo to look up astrology compatibility.
and here's me and baby's compatibility-ness.
hahaha. it was quite or rather very much to my favour.

Scorpio & Virgo

When Virgo and Scorpio join together in a love match, these Signs that are two apart in the Zodiac are brought together. Their placement gives the relationship an intense karmic bond. The Virgo-Scorpio couple is loyal and deep, with very strong ties. Usually, this couple will stay away from crowds; they aren't too inclined to go to parties or dances, but alone they can form a very fulfilling union.

Virgo and Scorpio enjoy working together toward acquisition: Virgo wants order and Scorpio wants power. Both of these Signs are about resources, including inheritances and property. This couple is very service-oriented and known to be dependable. They like to lend a hand to a friend or to the community. Additionally, Virgo can be withdrawn -- while Scorpio is more opaque and outgoing. Because of disparity, both Signs can learn from one another if they can agree to meet halfway.

Virgo is ruled by Mercury and Scorpio is ruled by Mars and Pluto. This combination is very heated, thanks to Pluto's influence. The two Signs unite to form the basic foundation of human relationships -- Mercury's communication and Mars's passion. Mercury and Mars go well together; Mercury is about the conscious mind, and Mars is about the passion of romance. Scorpio is rambunctious and intense, and Virgo is attracted to this energy. In turn, Scorpio needs the loyalty and practicality inherent in Virgo.

Virgo is an Earth Sign and Scorpio is a Water Sign. Scorpio is a very deep Sign; it's an ocean, and too much turbulence will cause a violent storm. Scorpio emotionally hides in their shell, but when the pressure becomes too intense, suddenly explodes. Their mutual need for emotional security fosters extreme loyalty to one another. But while Virgo is simplistic, with everything laid bare on the surface, Scorpio is more concerned with the undercurrents of life. Scorpio can show Virgo life beyond the literal surface, and Virgo is attentive enough to pick up on this hidden conversation. Virgo can teach Scorpio the facts and that they are sometimes quite literal and can be dismissed at face value. Scorpio appreciates Virgo's practicality and Virgo enjoys Scorpio's devotion -- it proves they are loved and appreciated.

Virgo is a Mutable Sign and Scorpio is a Fixed Sign. Once they have a common goal, nothing can get in the way of their love. When an argument arises, Virgo is adaptable enough to take a step backward and not allow a fight to take place. Scorpio often gets its way due to a stubborn streak. It's important for these partners to discuss what is truly important to them so they can have equal roles. This is not a relationship riddled with conflict. Both partners would rather work together than fight.

What's the best aspect of the Virgo-Scorpio relationship? It's their ability to carry out goals when they put their minds to the task. When Scorpio realizes that Virgo is an asset and a leveling force in their life, this relationship will grow. Mutual determination and organization makes theirs a harmonious relationship.


interesting much? i know.
how awesome is this shit.
they really know how to make people feel happy about
their relationships (:
yay yahoo...
bonus and kudos to yahoo.
i'm gonna use yahoo more now.
hahahaha.
so damn easy to win my favour.
hahaha.


I'm a scorpio, I got caught by my amazingly sexy virgo.
LinkLeave a comment

short skirts makes me a happy horny girl [Jan. 15th, 2009|04:31 pm]
[Current Mood | calm]
[Current Music |say this sooner- the almost]

SCHOOL'S A BITCH :D

i hate school.
cause they have rules.
fucked up rules.
had to lengthen my skirt today.
Looked like some fucking old granny.
It's super over my knees.
Gonna ask godma to alter it for me again.
bloody school.
it's fucked up i swear.
hahaha.
anyway...
i shall get over that sad fact.
mira seemed more pissed about it though.
she had some crazy ideas,
like she wanted to burn the school.
or like after grad everyone take their pinafore and burn in front of the school.
hahaha.
i love that girl.
She's such a joy to be around.
at baby's place now.
he seems abit cranky.
with the: "i'll sleep first".
hahaha
i love him so very much...
he's kinda cute when he's cranky.


BABY YOUR LOVE COVERS ME.


LinkLeave a comment

no way i'm leaving baby. [Jan. 14th, 2009|07:36 pm]
[Current Mood | contemplative]
[Current Music |reinventing your exit- underoath]


ONE THING, YOU GOTTA KNOW.


hold on hold on, i've been waiting here for too long, for too long.
waiting for a sign, i've been sleeping here all alone, all alone.



BABY, I NEED YOU NOW AND FOREVER.

today was pretty alright. yupp.
quite fun actually.
mr vicknesh is fun.
i think i may just very well enjoy ss and hist. elec this year.
thanks to him.
i like the way he teaches.
some may not, but oh well.
all the more joy for me...
haha.
so anyhooo, haha.
went to baby's place and all.
and well,
i only have one thing to say:
"i'm not leaving, i'm staying for good, like it or not. hmph!"


SO I'M TELLING YOU THIS, I'M NEVER LETTING GO OF YOU.


i used to love lemons, but i gave up on them.
why? because i fell in love with you.
so baby i want you to know this and remember this well,
i would give up on anything to fall for you, over and over again.
there is no limit to my love for you.
i have an endless supply of love baby, it's all reserved for you and only you.



THIS HEART IT BEATS, BEATS FOR ONLY YOU, MY HEART IS YOURS.
LinkLeave a comment

maximising potential [Jan. 13th, 2009|10:07 pm]
[Current Mood | stressed]
[Current Music |decode- paramore]


FALL WITH ME MY DEAR, ENDLESS SUMMER.

i am stressed. i am tired. i am not machine. i am in love. hello. goodnight.





so this time, i'll keep things short and sweet.
LinkLeave a comment

in it to win. [Jan. 12th, 2009|06:13 pm]
[Current Mood | optimistic]
[Current Music |Just Dance- Lady GaGa feat Colby O'Donis]


FIRST DAY OF LESSONS WERE BORING.

we didn't really get to any studying which was really fucked up.
I was so looking forward to learning lots of new things...
But oh well, tmr will be a better day although there's PE.
haha! i'm a fat ass, i hate physical exercise...
I love being FAT :D
i should have a shirt saying that. hahaha...
woohoo!
learnt smth in BIO though. yay ms koh!
hahaha, last lesson of the day and we finally learnt smth new.
yeah.
Can't wait til she gets to the part about hormones...
haha, I'm super keen on that topic.
shut up, we all have hormones i'm sure.
unless we're monkeys, but hey i bet even monkeys have sex.


I LOVE SEEING YOU BABY, YOU MAKE ME HAPPY.

everytime i see you it's like sunshine coming out from dark clouds.
You always seem to brighten up my day and my life.
Baby, í really don't know what I'd do without you.
You're so darn special to me and nobody can ever replace you...
I hope I'll get to see you tmr.
but you should get me back earlier, much earlier.
Or my mama would probably kill me.
haha...
I love you baby.


HELLO AND GOOD EVENING.
LinkLeave a comment

(no subject) [Jan. 9th, 2009|11:57 pm]
[Current Mood | listless]
[Current Music |Paperthin hymn- Anberlin]


BABY MAKES ME FUCKING HAPPY.

i love you to death, i'd squeeze you everyday if i could.

today was fun, i enjoyed myself love.
thanks for everything.
and baby, no i won't get jealous no matter how much you
try to make me jealous. You know why?
Because I have too much faith and trust in your love for me.
I know you're mine and you'll always be mine.
I don't get jealous not because i don't care for you, i really do.
It's just cause i find no reason to be jealous.
Why should I be jealous, when I know deep down that
your heart is already mine.
And if you were to give your heart away, that'll be your own decision.
I wouldn't hold you back from happiness, but neither will I back down
without a fight.
I'd fight for you and your love baby, but when it's time to let go of you,
I will.
Because your happiness means the world to me.
I'd do whatever it takes to give you the happiness you rightfully deserve.


Goodnight, i'm crazily in love with you.

Michael Alexander Miguel Ambrose, you are mine.

Get used to it.
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